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Have you ever experienced rejection? Whether it’s in love, with friends or at work, it sure feels bad. Didn’t get that promotion you thought was as good as in the bag? Had the ‘it’s just not working’ conversation with your other half? Not getting what you want can leave you feeling hurt and hollowed out and wondering if there’s something wrong with you.
But isn’t rejection part of normal life? Everyone gets turned down at some point for something or other. While you may feel disheartened at the time, it’s how you deal with the situation that can help you bounce back sooner rather than later. In fact, how you handle rejections may well be the key to ultimately achieving the goal you are after.
We’ve put together 5 top tips to help you cope with rejection.
1. Don’t take it personally
While it may feel like a personal blow at the time, it’s important not to let the rejection penetrate your inner defences. Say you didn’t get the job or the girlfriend – it was your request that was denied, that’s all. Try not to personalise it and seek fault within yourself – you’re not responsible for the choices others made. Whatever they decided is no judgement on you as a person or any indication of your self-worth. Respect the fact that they rejected something that wasn’t working for them, and move on.
2. Get a new perspective
Every time you experience a rejection in your personal or professional life, try to reframe it as something that focuses attention on the situation or the issue in question, rather than something that attacks you as a person. Instead of feeling that “they rejected me”, why not simply think of it as something “they said no” to or even that “it just wasn’t meant to be”. That way, there’s no blame to be attached and the rejection isn’t framed as something negative about yourself.
3. Practise some self-care
If you’re in the doldrums because you just got fired, dumped or turned down, it’s important not to be too hard on yourself. Make an extra effort to think positive thoughts, give yourself a pep talk and tell your inner critic to be quiet. Better still, back up your kind thoughts with kind actions. Why not take your mind off the rejection and do something you love? Go for a cycle ride or join a gym, treat yourself to a new hairstyle or redecorate the bedroom, meet up with friends or go on holiday – whatever makes you happy!
4. Use the opportunity to improve
Sometimes, a rejection can be just the wake-up call you need to make positive changes in your life. Rather than focusing on your sorrow or misery, why not use the ‘negative feedback’ as an opportunity to reassess your current situation and find ways improve? Whether you decide to go back to work after a failed marriage, or enrol in professional development courses up after redundancy, try to view your rejection in a constructive way as an instrument for learning and personal growth.
5. Accept it for what it is
Finally, once you understand the rejection you received for what it is, there’s no point dwelling on it. Stuff happens, things don’t always work out the way you think they should, and that’s OK. Don’t let the ‘thing’ control your life for any longer than necessary – it’s time to break free, let it go and get on with your life, not stay tethered to the past.
If you’ve experienced a rejection and are finding it hard to move beyond the hurt, counselling may help. At KlearMinds, our expert counsellors have helped many people overcome a range of concerns over the years. Take the first steps to lasting change and call 0333 772 0256 or email us here.
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