I recently asked one of the women I’m dating, a hot 27-year-old, whether she would ever do online dating. “I hope it never comes to that,” she responded.
I have experimented with online dating for years. I had an extremely well-written profile, photos that I tested for maximum attractiveness, and a whole set of openers and follow-up questions that would lead to dates with a certain percentage of women who responded to my initial opening questions.
I could get as many dates as I wanted with women online by sending out a ton of messages, but most of the dates were only mildly attractive compared to who I could meet and date by approaching women in person. I’m in my mid 40’s. When I approach women in person, I regularly meet and date hot women in their mid 20s. Online it was extremely rare for any woman under 30 to even respond to an opener. This isn’t to say I only want to date younger women, rather that I could never get the quality of woman online that I could get in person.
This is because for guys, we don’t give a shit how we meet women. The main criteria for initial attraction is the physical. Whether we meet her online or in person doesn’t matter as much, as long as she is physically attractive, there will most likely be some kind of initial attraction.
For women, how she meets a guy is important. If she meets him through a seemingly serendipitous way, like a guy randomly starting a conversation with her in a coffee shop, it’s special. It doesn’t happen that often to her. It seems to her like the universe is making it happen, because it happened to her. If she has to go out and make it happen, through online dating, speed dating, etc., then the guy is less attractive to her because she had to take initiative to go online and make it happen, even if he writes her first.
Men are mainly initially attracted to women through the physical while women are attracted to men due to physicality, status and behavior. When a man does online dating, his attractive behavior is almost completely negated. That’s because in person, a guy’s most attractive quality is dominance: his ability to take initiative. This can create a lot of attraction because he differentiates himself from 95% of the men out there by demonstrating confidence in starting conversation with a stranger. Most guys can’t do that. He’s showing her confidence through his actions rather than trying to sound confident through words.
Online, women get a ton of men starting conversations with them. It means nothing to them. Yes, it may help if you can write a funny, confident profile and craft some clever messages, but women have so many choices online, she doesn’t have to settle for a shorter, balding, older, less physically attractive guy simply because he writes well. She has literally hundreds of choices at her fingertips. An attractive woman can choose a more physically attractive guy who knows what to say.
Half the women won’t even meet up with a guy they are talking with online. The hottest women will put a profile up online, get swamped with a thousand creepy messages and take down their profile after a few days. The mildly attractive women will go out on a date with one or two guys, find out that they are socially awkward in person and delete their profiles. I know this because I would look at past online conversations with women and more than half of the profiles were deleted within a few weeks.
There’s been studies that show that the more choices a consumer has, the less likely the consumer is to make a decision and purchase the product. Apple knows this, which is why they have very few choices when it comes to an iphone. The same applies to online dating. Women have thousands and thousands of choices so it makes it harder for them to choose. For women who want something more than just physical attraction, there’s not enough information there for them to make a choice and most of them stop online dating.
I’m not saying that hot women don’t ever do online dating or that they don’t meet and fuck guys they meet online. Some certainly do. But far less women want to do online dating than men. The average dating site has at least twice as many men as women–at minimum. You are stepping into a swamp of men competing for the same few women.
Online dating is now the socially accepted way to meet people. If you are looking for a partner, you are told to go online. It’s an efficient market. If you are looking to get what it seems like you deserve based on your looks, you can meet someone average online. But if you are looking to get anything better than you could normally get, you are far better off demonstrating your confidence and meeting women in person. It may take longer to get dates, but those dates will generally be with much higher quality women than you could ever get online.